🌈Q&A (No. 8)

Q1: What is your earliest memory of realizing your sexuality/gender identity? What was that like?

A: My earliest memory has to be when I was in the second grade, and I remember I joined the cheerleading team because I had the biggest crush on this girl who was like a seventh grader at the time. She was so beautiful to me, and I just wanted to be around her. Lol and I still have the trophy.

Q3: What was it like for you to accept yourself? Was acceptance of yourself contingent upon the acceptance from peers/loved ones?

A: My acceptance of myself came from the realization that everyone was unacceptable to someone in some way regardless of how closely they follow and implement societal norms. Basically, once I realized I could never please everyone I began to look into myself to really find who I am outside of what others put on me.

Q4: How did you come to understand your identity? Are there some things you do still don’t understand about yourself or others within the LGBTQ+ community?

A: I try do what makes me feel comfortable. I still struggle with this daily mainly because my views on this keep changing with the more new information I learn. As far as the community oh there's a ton, I don't get still but I feel my need to show compassion and give that comfort/grace to others outweighs my need to understand.

Q5: Did you come out or did you just start living in your truth? Do you feel like coming out is necessary/required? Why or why not?

A: I definitely came out and for me it was good/bad. To a certain extent I'm happy that I did come out early (age 14) because it allowed me to go through and get through a lot of things early like the back lash from my parents. If I could go back and do it again though I probably would've waited only because it definitely changed my parents and its relationship for the worse. Don't get me wrong it's better over the years but I'll never forget the trauma they put me through while I was in a stage in life where I could, at the time, only rely on them for comfort.

Q7: Has religion/spirituality had any kind of affect on your journey to accepting yourself (good or bad)? If so, how does that affect your view and/or practice of religion/spirituality today?

A: lol I went to catholic school for 9 years all the while going to Baptist church/ Sunday school twice a week throughout my adolescence. And my father is a deacon. Tbh living with my father was the reason that I pretty much stopped fw religion because it enabled me to see it for what it truly is which is a cop out. To me religion is just so fake lol. Like here is this man a "pillar" of the church everyone thinks he's just so good. But I'm living with this man, so I see the shift in character from when he is in the church and surrounded my church people versus when he's not. And living with someone like that as well as finding out info about other avid church goers over the years made me say nah that shit pretty much for posers. And that's not to say I don't believe in God or that I don't have a relationship with them because I do. I just feel my journey is more private because everyone's so different in so many ways therefore so is God depending on who you are.

Q9: As someone who identifies as ____, what do you wish heterosexual/cisgendered people were more considerate of/knowledgeable about?

A: I am a lesbian stud and I wish people would stop trying to force me to be this overly masculine being. I wish people could see past the clothes I wear and notice me for me.

Q11: How important do you think it is for people who “accept” you to be knowledgeable about your identity? Do you feel like language is important?

A: I feel a lot of the world's problems would be fixed if people let go of the need to "accept or understand" things and instead embraced respecting them out of respect of this human living in the human experience. So, I feel like tone is more important than language. Ima be real I've pretty much stopped going out of my way to learn all these new words about sexuality and gender because it's confusing to me because that's not my reality. I am a cisgendered lesbian woman. No, I don't understand or get the struggles of being one who was born into the wrong body, and I feel I will never get that. And from what I've observed that's what it takes for lots of people to come to a point where they can truly accept someone, and I do not resonate with that like at all. Because when someone is around me the main thing, I want them to feel is comfortable and to me it's really hard to feel comfy around someone who is always bombarding you with the "why's" in search for understanding. And I think I've accepted that I won't understand everyone and everything, but I can make the choice to love them and give them a safe space to be them regardless of what I "accept" because tbh that changes daily.

Q13: On a scale of 1-10, how difficult has it been to navigate (platonic, familial, etc) relationships with individuals of the LGBTQ+ community? How do you hold space for those around you?

A: Being an attractive gay person is so hard for me sometimes because I very rarely come across people who just want to be friends with me and not fuck me/lowkey have some weird ass vendetta. The people that I have found and who have made a comfortable and friendly space for me I really appreciate them because it's rare at least for me to find pure platonic relationships within the community. 8/10 on difficultly.

Q14: What does living in your truth mean to you? Do you feel like it’s important? Why or why not?

A: My truth changes yearly I think and living in my own personal truth is being okay with that growth while not diminishing the person I was. As in who I was last year is still me she's just evolved like a Pokémon.

Q15: What do you identify as? Have you always identified as ___? What led you to identify in that way?

A: My public identification is a cisgender lesbian stud. But like I said I'm always changing so who knows what I'll identify as 5 or 10 years from now.

Q16: What do you think your younger self would have to say/think about who you are today?

A: My younger self would probably be brought to tears by how much we've overcome. I'm legit living the life that felt like a pipe dream when I came out sophomore year of high school. I know she'd be proud that I made our dream our everyday reality.

"..if people let go of the need to "accept or understand" things and instead embraced respecting them out of respect of this human living in the human experience."

- Amari W., She/Her/Hers, Cisgender/Stud Lesbian

IG: mari_0420